Monday, February 9, 2009

Worst Case Scenarios

Those of you who know me well know that I have always made it a point to be prepared for all worst case scenarios. I have read the “Worst Case Scenarios Survival Handbook” more than once and I have always thought through different scenarios in my head. I especially have thought through everything bad that could happen while I am in the mountains and what I would do if it happens. Having said this I realize that there really aren’t very many things that can really go wrong when I am in the mountains, or at home for that matter. Since I have thought through all the rational scenarios that I could come up with I have moved to some less rational ones. I need to tell the story about two conversations that I had last Saturday.

I was hiking with my friend Jason on the face of Timp on Saturday. We talked about many things, but it seemed that the conversation kept coming back to what we would do if we were attacked by Orcs. I have talked about this several times while hiking on the face of Timp because, as Jason and I agreed, Timp is the most Lord of the Rings-like mountain. This time, however, we spent quite a bit of time discussing different strategies and tactics that could be used against the Orcs. I decided that we didn’t need enough weapons to kill all the Orcs--just one--then we could use its weapons to defend ourselves against the rest. Anyway, we went on and on about various things that we would do or that would happen if Orcs attacked us on our hike.

Luckily we were not assaulted by any mythical beings, or real beings for that matter. We returned home safely and I felt that the trip was a great success and I feel much better prepared now should anything happen to me while I am in the mountains.

Then Saturday night I was chatting with my BFF Jeff. I told him about me being prepared for Orc attacks. He told me that he had been having some weird dreams and that because of those he found himself figuring out what he would do if zombies attacked his house. He said he realized that he didn’t have any guns so his best bet would be to hide and hope they weren’t found. I didn't want to nitpick, but I was like, Jeff, is this really your plan? Spend your whole life locked inside your house? Then I realized that without food or guns it would be hard to make the call.

Jeff and I spent some time discussing various strategies. We decided that hiding would probably be the best strategy under the circumstances. After we had discussed it for a while we both felt better now that we are better mentally prepared for when zombies attack.

Clearly I realize that zombies aren’t going to attack and that the likelihood of Orcs swarming the hills of Timp is slim. However, I do know that because I have thought through the various scenarios I can sleep well at nights knowing I am prepared. Judge me if you want. You are welcome to think I am crazy. But if you do, don’t come running to me when the zombies attack just because I will know what to do and I will be prepared.

9 comments:

Moonsahra said...

This totally made me laugh because of the whole zombie thing. When I was researching non-profits for a project with my sophomores, I found a genuine non-profit based here in MO that is called Zombie Squad. No lie.

Here's hoping you never need them!

Pete said...

Nerd

Heather said...

You guys are funny. Way to be prepared.

Jeff said...

I'm glad you're prepared for the orcs and the zombies. I'm also really glad that you linked to wikipedia so that any readers who didn't know what orcs were could be better informed. But what will your readers do if they don't know what a zombie is?

Robyn said...

Thank you for helping my family get prepared for a zombie attack. What ever would I have done?

Patricia said...

oh jared.

Rob said...

Jared, if you look into Utah County's Forestry and Wildlife Commission archives for 1963 through 1968, you might be pleasantly surprised to find that there were a total of 3 "Orc or Orc-like" spottings in the county. Wild, I know. No spottings, however, have been reported or archived since 1968.

Kayli said...

I'm glad Rob did his research. It sounds like it's a good think you're prepared for them.

Whitney Dimick said...

Jared W. when you told me about fighting orcs and zombies, I really thought you had an awesome solution to a sneak attack, but you would just hide. While I can't think of anything better, I am a little bit sad.
It was fantastic meeting you, sorry camping didn't work out, I'm jealous you're out sleeping in a tent right now!