Monday, January 6, 2014

Preparing for the New Year

As the year ended I tried to put some time aside to remember the last year. I wanted to make sense of it so that I could move on to better things. I tried talking with friends about the best and the worst of 2013. I tried thinking about what happened during the year. I felt I did several of the usual things that people do to remember the past year in order to move on to the next. Nothing seemed to be working, however.

On New Year's Eve I went to a dinner with some friends and we intended to enjoy the New Year together. After I ate I decided that I wasn't ready to welcome in the New Year yet, so I left the party to properly prepare myself. I put on my running clothes and started my hard run through the parks and forests near my house. I ran hard even though I didn't have a light and I had to duck under many branches. I ran hard even though the cold air burned my lungs. I ran hard despite being out of shape and in pain. In short, I ran hard to clear my mind so I could finally think. 

As I was running across the frozen pond I thought of how crazy this last year was. I had been feeling sorry for myself the last few months because I realized that if there was a problem with my life it was because of me and not because of anything else. I tried to run up a frozen hillside that was made slick by many sledders. I couldn't get more than a few feet without slipping. I ended up going more carefully near where the sleds had descended. I tried to slide down on my feet but it was so steep that I ended up sliding down on my backside.

As I continued to run I started to realize that no matter who I had been the previous year, no matter what hole I had dug for myself, it was up to me to improve my situation. I may have dug a good portion of the hole that I was in, but that didn't matter. What mattered was whether or not I was going to get out of it. As I ran through the empty frisbee park I started to understand that just like I was responsible for where I was, I was responsible for being better. In order to remind myself that I was still alive and that adversity didn't matter I ran across the stream. I couldn't see the bottom and I didn't know how deep it would be, but I gained some momentum and I went for it. Luckily there was deep enough snow to dry my feet as I ran through the frozen snow.

As I ran home I knew that it had been a long December, but there was reason to believe that maybe this year would be better than the last. I can be whoever I want in 2014. 2014 hadn't met me yet and it had no expectations about me. I could meet it with my best self. I could love those around me more. I could focus less on myself and more on those who need a friend. I knew that 2014 would be my year, because I would make it such.

I returned to the party. I chatted with others. I let people know that I wanted to be there friend this next year. I sang out loud with friends. I danced to welcome in the New Year. I even dipped a girl and kissed her at midnight, because with more love comes more kissing. I'm glad that I get the chance to face a new year with a new me. I don't have to be dragged down by the mistakes of my past. I believe that I can change myself and change my world.

2014 is a great year filled with great possibilities. It's gonna be great.

2 comments:

Jeff said...

I totally believe that 2014 is going to be a fabulous year. Also, you're hardcore. I wouldn't have the guts to run through a stream when it's this cold out.

mostlyprobably said...

Counting crows reference, yes?