Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Rock Canyon: A Place of Solace

My readers have spoken and I must respond. It seems that most of the team wanted to hear about my adventure by myself up Rock Canyon at 1 am. The funny thing is that that is not my best adventure and kind of a hard story to tell. The story of my time in the canyon is very short. The real story is what led to me going up there. I think I will try and give some background so you can understand why I did what I did. I can’t fill in very many details of the events of that night, but I will try and give you enough so you can understand why my journey up Rock Canyon was necessary.

Last Wednesday started out as a fairly good day, but I have never been one to leave things as they are when they are okay. I decided that the time had come for me to gain some needed closure in my life. So I went about a covert operation to try and gain some closure from a situation that has left me in much pain for some time. (Yes, I plan on being this ambiguous the whole time). This operation was thwarted by people that I really believed cared about me. I realize that they didn’t really understand how much I needed some closure and they didn’t understand that stopping me in my caper would stop the needed closure. But the result was the same. As I was coming to grips with what happened and more importantly, why it happened, I was getting more and more frustrated.

I then went to say goodbye to my good friend who was going to be moving back to California. A friend that I wish I spent the time necessary to get closer to, but I didn’t. I then was frustrated enough that I thought a run would help, so I went running for a couple of miles. That gave me little help, so I went to talk to my good friend Mary. I spent a few minutes talking to her, and then I had to leave because she needed to talk to another one of our friends. Normally I would have just stayed and joined in, but this girl she was talking to was on my list of girls I’m not allowed to communicate with (my least favorite list in the world).

So I left Mary feeling that my life was really a mess. I feel that my life is only as good as my relationships are, and, well, it sure seemed like they were doing well. It was almost 1 am at this point and I had nowhere to go. I wasn’t going to go home; there was no way I was going to sleep anytime soon. So I decided I needed to go somewhere where I could focus on the one relationship that I felt was going well in my life: my relationship with God.

I drove up Rock Canyon and called Mary, told her where I was and I told her that I would send her a text when I was down so she knew I was okay. (I realize that Mary isn’t my mother, but when I hike alone I want someone to know where I am.) I got out my sleeping bag that was in my car and unzipped the bottom enough so I could stick my head through then I started hiking. I hiked fast to try and get some energy out, so I don’t know exactly how long I hiked, I just know it wasn’t very long. I went up about a mile and climbed up a large rock and lay down. It was quite comfortable because I was in my sleeping bag and there was a nice layer of snow, but I have never been in so much pain in my life.

I lay on the rock and thought and prayed, but mostly cried. I felt like I was so stuck in my life. I couldn’t seem to move forward, definitely couldn’t go back, and I hated where I was. So I lay there and prayed and cried and thought. I was in a lot of pain, but I still noticed that it was a beautiful night. There was a low cloud cover which caused the city lights to be reflected so it was quite bright where I was. The snow made everything pure and beautiful. It was a very still night.

After I had been laying there for a while (I really have no idea how long, it was all a blur). I think it was long enough that my tears were melting the snow underneath my head. I heard a sound that instantly triggered the word ‘animal’ in my head. As I was getting up to see what it was I realized that the sound didn’t belong. It was the sound of metal tags jingling against a collar. I found the source of the sound relatively easily. There were two dogs jogging up the trail. I sat there and watched them as one walked by and the other noticed me and started barking. After he barked for a while his master, who was still out of view called him back. When the guy came into view I tried to move a little so he would notice me. I even said something, but his dog was barking too loud that he didn’t notice. When he got close to me he turned on his light to try and find out what his dog was barking at, so I waved and said, “He’s barking at me.”

We talked for a couple of minutes. He said he hikes up Rock Canyon every night. He usually goes to the campground, but he had a late start tonight so he probably wouldn’t go that far. He made sure to ask if I was staying the night—I must have looked very odd laying on a rock in my sleeping bag. Then he continued on. I went back to thinking and crying and praying.

I eventually didn’t have any tears left and so was forced to return home. I got home, wrote down some of my thoughts (which are published on my private blog).

That was a really depressing story wasn’t it. Sorry blog fans. I usually write a better story than that. I guess I wanted to give you the story you asked for, and there it is. Don’t worry about me. The next day I talked with Jeff and he made everything all better (he always does). I have my ups and downs like everyone else; I am just trying to enjoy the ride.


Merry said...

I have wanted to hike somewhere by myself to get away from "it all." I admire that you actually go out and do it!

Jeff said...

I'm glad Jeff made everything all better. :) It was a good story even if it wasn't the happiest. Keep on dominating. Things will continue to look up. And by the way, Merry Christmas!

Jared W. said...

I especially like how everyone was afraid to comment on this blog because it was kind of depressing. Maybe you can all comment on my happier blogs to come.

Patricia said...

sad day. hope you get the closure you need. it sounds like it was therapeutic and releasing though. much love jared dubbs!

Heather Stevenson said...

Good job praying and crying. Sounds like much of my therapy. I may have added a few screams at the top of my lungs - if I was in such a secluded spot as you were. I pray you got the closure you need and will have the power and knowledge to build on what has ailed you have a happy future.