Weddings, adventures and ponderings (seems to be a trend)

I had another incredible week. I hiked Timp starting at midnight. It was a beautiful hike and we got up to the top for the sunrise. Then after I arrived home I had enough time to take a shower then go horseback riding. I went with my friend Ann Marie to the Oquirrh Mountains. We went up a beautiful trail about five miles then came back down. I even galloped on the horse for a little while. It was so much fun; I think I need to ride horses in the mountains way more often. I had all these great adventures, but the one that I will write about is the wedding of my youngest sister Amy.



There are many times in my life, especially this summer, when my heart has longed for there to be more in my life. Of all those times I don’t recall any being as acute as that of my feelings yesterday. My sister Amy has been a joy to our family for so long. She has spread joy and happiness to everyone she knows. I give her credit for the fact that everyone in my family hugs every time we see each other. She has been a great blessing for so long.

Amy has always held a very special place in the hearts of my family members. Because of her health problems that she has had for years, we have loved her even more. I am very protective of my sister and I knew that she would marry someone very special. It was wonderful for me to realize, yesterday, that she had just married someone who would cherish her and take care of her for the rest of her life. She had found the person she needed for her to have a happy life.

I don’t usually cry at weddings, in fact, I don’t remember every having cried at a wedding (and I have been to a lot). But seeing the exquisite joy on my sister’s face right after she was sealed to Kent for time and all eternity was too much for me. When I hugged her a couple minutes later we both cried as we expressed our love for each other. Also at the dinner when my other sister talked about how great Amy was, I also had to wipe away the tears that were coming.

Even with all this emotion I think the greatest emotions of that day were in my pondering during these events. I felt deep in my heart that I wanted to share a day like this with someone that I loved. I wanted to love and cherish someone so much. I want to have someone to share my life with; to share the good and the bad and the great. Yesterday there was an incredible rainstorm and I went and stood out in it and spread my arms and looked to the sky. It was so wonderful, but I wanted someone at my side to enjoy the beauty of the moment as much as I was.

I experienced so many beautiful moments yesterday that I realized that I need someone to share them with. I have so much hope that I will find someone so wonderful and we will have endless amazing moments together. I really believe that if I keep doing what I need to be doing then I will find the girl of my dreams. While I am definitely trying to live in the moment – I am looking forward to that day with great anticipation. And, oh, what a wonderful day it will be.

The Summer Sky

I spent a few days this last week at Flaming Gorge. It was my first time going there and I was excited mostly for the boating aspect. I did get sweet air on the wake board. I also got wicked speed on the tube. However all that seemed to be overshadowed by the beauty of that place.

I have really started to appreciate the night sky this summer. I have appreciated the moon for many years now, but the stars have never been a large focus of wonder. Maybe it is because I have learned many summer constellations, maybe it is because I have felt especially alone this summer. I am not sure what brought it on, but I have spent a lot of time staring at the stars this summer.

While I was on the trip sitting around the campfire after everyone had gone to bed I began to be amazed. I am so amazed by the order of the universe and how everything works. As I was thus pondering I also enjoyed seeing many shooting stars. I really enjoyed the beauty and order of it all. It was wonderful looking at the stars.

In addition to the stars there was also wonderful sunsets, amazing cliffs, beautiful birds, and great company. It was a great trip that I will always remember. I do enjoy my adventures and they do seem to get better and better. I am excited for more starring at the night sky, more sunsets, more great conversations with friends and -coming up next week- more shooting stars.

Here's the thing, they started out friends...

So I went on some great adventures this week. I hiked Angel's Landing and the Narrows in Zion National Park. I hiked in Rock Canyon and to Big Springs. They were all great adventures, but the one that needs to be written about is my BFF Jeff taking the next step in his life and getting himself a fiancee.

Jeff and I have been friends since we were born. We have been best friends for the last five years. I have spent so much time with him in the last five years that I almost don't know how to not spend time with him. Since I have had a few girlfriends in that time and Jeff hasn't had any we just assumed that I would get married first. (Maybe that is a bit presumptuous, let's say I thought I would get married first.)

This last Wednesday I went on a hike that I will always remember. I went to a meadow on the Big Springs Trail and set up for a romantic picnic so that Jeff and his girl could have a wonderful time. I did all this knowing full well that it would be the death of independent Jeff.

Anyway, Jeff and I have talked to each other extensively about what we are looking for in a wife. We have discussed everything about what we want our life to be like when we get married. We have also conversed about what we will be like at that point in our lives. I feel that Jeff has gotten what he has worked for. He has progressed and hope for something that is great. It has been interesting to see the progression on Robyn and Jeff. Everything from them overcoming personal issues to start dating from dealing with their first conflict. It is interesting how they have come together to form an incredible relationship.

I have long hoped that Jeff would find someone that would be so good for him that he would have a great chance at happiness the rest of his life. I have hoped for someone that would motivate him and help him progress and grow. I have hoped that he would find someone who would appreciate him for who he is and were he is going. I have hoped that he would find the woman of his dreams. So you can understand how even though it is sad that I won't be able to spend as much time with him, I am so excited that he is making the decision to get married. I feel this is the best decision he has made in his life. I still hope the best for Jeff and I think he will have the best as he and Robyn embark on this crazy journey called marriage.

Twilight - and how it relates to my life.

Yes I am talking about the book by Stephanie Meyer. I have read all three of the books in the series and I feel I need to make some comments about my first experience in the vampire romance genre. First I would like to say that I did enjoy the books. I thought that Stephanie did an excellent job at character development. It is in the three main characters that lies the genius of the Twilight series. At first I thought I would write why I think Edward is way better than Jacob, even though it should be obvious, but then I decided to take a different course in this blog. I have decided to discuss the various characteristics in the different characters that I see in myself. I realize I am going to compare both good and bad characteristics to myself. Please let me be a little liberal with these and don't take offense if I claim to have a characteristic that I don't really have. I think I will also mention traits that I wish I had or I am trying to develop.

Edward:
What a great guy. I love his patience and his self control. When I was reading about him I was reminded of how hard I have worked to gain patience and self control. Depending on who is reading this may say I do or don't have that, but these are virtues that I will make a part of my life even if it takes awhile.

Some people believe that Edward is controlling, others label him as protective. I think he originally is a little of both. However I like to view people by how they change and progress. In Eclipse when Edward seemed controlling because he didn't think it was safe for Bella to chill with werewolves. However once he realized it was safe he apologized and then changed. The practice of recognizing when you are wrong and then actually changing is a trait I have worked hard to gain. I was so impressed with how well Edward stuck to his decision after he had professed to change.

Another trait that Edward has that causes disputes in many forums discussing Twilight is that he always likes to be right. In his defense, who doesn't like to be right? Also in his defense, he is right most of the time. I think I have had this characteristic for most of my life. I am trying to get over the fact that I always have to be right. I am getting better at being willing to admit that others can be right even if they don't have my same point of view. Even though many people claim this is one of Edward's biggest faults, I kind of like it. It makes him human. I makes him real. It goes along with his confidence that really pulls them out of many sticky situations. And, once again, he really is right most of the time.

Bella:
Sometimes I had so much trouble relating with Bella. Her crazy, emotionally-charged, sophomoric decisions. At other times I could feel her pain because I have had situations in which I had to make similar decisions.

The characteristic that I most identified with that Bella demonstrated through the second two books was that of loyalty and truly caring about people. The fact that she didn't want to be with Jacob didn't make him less important to her. She wanted him to be happy and she wanted him to be comforted in his time of pain. This is something that I have seen in myself and have struggled with. How much should I care for my ex girlfriends? How much should I allow myself to worry about their happiness. I have gone through this discussion with myself and friends many times. In the books it is easy for me as the reader to say, "Well Bella should tell Jacob it is over and not see him again." Then I realized how many times I have come to that in my life where there are people that I care about that I can't tell them that I won't see them anymore. In fact in the last couple months is the first time in my life that I have had the courage to tell an ex girlfriend that I can't talk to her anymore because it wasn't good for either of us. In fact I have done it twice in the last couple months, and both times it caused more pain than I could have imagined. It may have caused me more pain than the actual breakup. I definitely understood how Bella had such a hard time saying goodbye for good. That is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do in my life.

Jacob:
I definitely have some real concerns with Jacob and his questionable tactics to win over Bella, but he has many redeeming qualities. I also have found myself in a similar situation that he has found himself in.

I can relate to being the friend of a girl that loves someone else and then falling in love with that girl. It happened to me about nine months ago. After I fell in love with her and made that known she didn't want to date me but didn't want to lose me as a friend. She eventually fell in love with me also and then she was torn in half trying to decide what to do. Should she wait for her missionary or should she date me? I felt a lot like Jacob as I tried to convince her that I was the key to the future. However I differed from Jacob in the fact that I tried not to use manipulative tactics. So, in the end, I decided that I had to let her go. I tried not to hold it over her head or make her feel bad for her decision. I truly desired her happiness and so I wished her the best in her life and I am trying to move on.

I understand how Jacob had such a hard time letting a girl he loved go. But I feel that if he truly loved her he would have desired her happiness more than just wanting to be with her. This is why I will always pick Edward above Bella. Edward seemed to always choose the happiness of Bella above all else.

Twilight is a series that I have enjoyed and I look forward to reading Breaking Dawn and finding out who the three main characters become. In the mean time I will continue to try and gain the best traits I can and make the best out of hard situations.

The Watchman on the Tower

I had a week packed full of adventures this last week. I clearly am not going to write about all of them, but I figured I could list of few of them and then elaborate on one of them. This week I:

Walked behind Stewart Falls and got soaked
Jumped in the Provo River with my clothes on (again)
Went on a killer hike up the face of Timp with Jason
Went backpacking with Steve and Brian up Grove Creek
Saw my first Rattlesnake in wild on the Grove Creek Trail
Went to Amber's Cabin up Hobble Creek and looked at the stars
Went swimming everyday
Played in a river almost everyday
Went to a luau and ate some pig
Took a nap under a tree at the park
Had many, many, many great conversations with great people.

The Watchman on the Tower
I went hiking with Jason on Wed morning. I knew it was going to be hard, but I had no idea what to expect. I just knew we were going to try to get to a green rock on the face of Timp and that there wasn't a trail. We started out at Glen Canyon Park at a good pace. It was a fairly steep trail and I just hoped it would level off eventually, I was soon to find out that that would be the least of my worries.

After a little while on the steep trail we decided to leave the trail and go straight up the mountain. After a while of weaving through trees and bushes it became clear that we would have to 'bush-whack' through the Scrub Oak to continue on to our goal. I was wearing shorts and sandals at the time and after a few minutes of forcing my way through the Scrub Oak I had over 20 scratches that were bleeding on my legs and feet. As we continued to our goal we found that there was no way to reach the green rock without going through a lot of brush. It started to get frustrating as pressed through because we couldn't tell how long the Oak lasted until we would be in a clearing again. Jason mentioned that it might have been a good idea to print off the screen from Google Earth that showed where we were. I think the most frustrating part for me is that we could avoid a lot of Oak if we could just see the terrain from 30 feet in the air where it was clear the best way to go.

It became very obvious to me that we could avoid most of the pain of the Scrub Oak if there was someone on a watchtower that told us which way to go. I was reminded of my Seminary days when we watched the Watchmen on the Tower video that told us that our prophet could see things that we don't see that can hurt us. I was also reminded that as we go through life it is often like we are stuck in fields of Scrub Oak. Sometimes we can see our goal, but most of the time we are just trying to push through the next obstacle. How much easier it is to live life if we could see it from a birds eye view. I think that many of our friends and family can see our lives from a better perspective than we can. It seems we often respond to our friends by telling them we don't have time or energy to look at the big picture because we are pushing through the Scrub Oak of life. This hike made me realize that looking at our obstacles from many perspectives instead of just one could really help us avoid most of them, and the rest we can have courage that we will only be in it for a short time.

We ended up making it to the rock. From there we planned out a route to get to the bottom by going through as little Scrub Oak as possible. Sometimes when we were in the middle of the Oak we were tempted to take a path that appeared easier at the time, but we always stuck with our path that we planned when we were at the top. We went through about 10% as much Scrub Oak on the way down as we did on the way up. I finished the hike after only having lost about a cup of blood rather than a pint. I still have the wounds on my legs to remind me to get help from someone who sees each situation better than I see it myself.

Provo River, Eagle and Fire

There are a lot of adventures happening and not a lot of time to write. I will try and keep everyone updated on my adventures even if I have to leave out details. (I love how I assume that people actually read this blog.)

My first adventure of the week started out walking down the Provo River Trail with my friend Laura. We were on our weekly Monday Adventure and we were having a good chat. We were discussing how Laura has recently realized that she needs to expand her comfort zone and do things that are hard for her. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity, so I decided to make it happen. I decided that it was too warm to be dry so I decided to jump in the river. I jumped from the top of a stump that was about 10 ft high. It was cold and exhilarating. I really enjoyed the rush of it all. So then I started convincing her that she should do likewise. I realized that since we didn't have swimsuits on we would just have to be wet the rest of the adventure. I thought it would take more convincing but she agreed to jump right away. She jumped in and got out quickly. We both jumped in a couple more times. As we finished our adventure we both agreed that jumping in the river made the adventure so much more...well...adventurous.

My next adventure of note starts Thursday morning. I was woken up by a phone call from my good buddy Zack. He said we were going on a triple date and we were going golfing. He asked me if I was in. I told him I didn't know who to get for my date. He said I was going with his sister and that I could marry her if I wanted. I agreed to the date and looked forward to spending time with my good buddy and for golfing. When we were on the golf course we decided to do a date scramble. It was clear that we were going to hit from my date's spot every time. She is on the BYU golf team and made quite a showing of her skills.
We were on a hole that was ridiculously hard. It was a par 5 and it seemed like that might have been low. So after an amazing tee off from my date we both hit it from where her ball ended. I hit it in the brush and lost my ball, but she hit it to the sand trap next to the green. after we made it up there she got ready for the shot and hit the most incredible shot I have ever seen. It was a perfect hit. The ball landed just before the hole and rolled in nicely. She had gotten an Eagle on the hole and, needless to say, my date and I won.

I will try not to give too much detail on my weekend adventures. I went camping with Jeff Friday night and it was good to just chill next to an old friend and roast some hot-dogs over a fire. We were in an incredible meadow near Big Springs. I was blown away by the beauty when the moon hit the meadow and everything was covered in a soft white light. Jeff and I chatted just like old times and we slept under the stars. It was nice to be up in the mountains, away from it all, and to be with a good friend. Jeff and I discussed many things, as usual, but one thing that stuck out is our fascination with fire. We both are amazed by fire and its power and possibilities. There is something about fire that makes both of us want to sit and stare and wonder. There are many powers in this world that are amazing. Jeff and I like to learn about and discuss all of them, but fire is one of our favorites. (that and compound interest.)

Anyway, whether it is jumping in the Provo River, witnessing an Eagle, or staring into fire with a good friend; My adventures go on and there are many more adventures to be had. If any of you need some adventure in your life, you know where to find me. Until then, keep your stick on the ice.

For time and all eternity

I have been spending the last few weeks mentally preparing myself for most of my good friends moving on with their lives. I am not talking about getting a job or buying a house, I am talking about getting a new best friend for time and all eternity. Jeff and I have talked about how we just keep getting younger and younger friends, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I mean, honestly, if I make friends with the people coming out of high school now we can't even agree on how many planets there are in our solar system. So I think maybe I should consider moving on too. That is a scary thought for many reasons that I won't go into right now.

I realize I have had friends get significant others, finances and spouses for some time now. This year seems to be different, it appears there is a landslide of weddings. I have a good friend getting married almost every weekend this spring and summer. I realize they are still my friends, but we are just in different games now. I will likely reclaim many of my friends when I make the leap and get an eternal best friend, but until then I am not sure what my best strategy is. I guess I have to start over with finding new people to spend my time with.

Which brings me to my next question: Where? Should I try and make more friends who will soon get married here in Provo or should I seek other circumstances? I think that Provo and I have enjoyed each other for a while but I was never meant for Provo. I think I should try a new place that might work better for my situation. Right now I am thinking that Washington DC might be a place that can handle me. It seems to be out-a-control enough for me. I guess I will try and seek my fortunes there.

I hope I still can keep in touch with old friends even after they have to plan their schedule for two. And one day, maybe I will be ready to join them and have my own permanent best friend. Until then I will: try and support my friends in their endeavors, make new friends, try and figure out my life, keep loving and loving and loving, and most of all prepare myself for the chance I have to make the decision for time and all eternity...