Worst Case Scenarios

Those of you who know me well know that I have always made it a point to be prepared for all worst case scenarios. I have read the “Worst Case Scenarios Survival Handbook” more than once and I have always thought through different scenarios in my head. I especially have thought through everything bad that could happen while I am in the mountains and what I would do if it happens. Having said this I realize that there really aren’t very many things that can really go wrong when I am in the mountains, or at home for that matter. Since I have thought through all the rational scenarios that I could come up with I have moved to some less rational ones. I need to tell the story about two conversations that I had last Saturday.

I was hiking with my friend Jason on the face of Timp on Saturday. We talked about many things, but it seemed that the conversation kept coming back to what we would do if we were attacked by Orcs. I have talked about this several times while hiking on the face of Timp because, as Jason and I agreed, Timp is the most Lord of the Rings-like mountain. This time, however, we spent quite a bit of time discussing different strategies and tactics that could be used against the Orcs. I decided that we didn’t need enough weapons to kill all the Orcs--just one--then we could use its weapons to defend ourselves against the rest. Anyway, we went on and on about various things that we would do or that would happen if Orcs attacked us on our hike.

Luckily we were not assaulted by any mythical beings, or real beings for that matter. We returned home safely and I felt that the trip was a great success and I feel much better prepared now should anything happen to me while I am in the mountains.

Then Saturday night I was chatting with my BFF Jeff. I told him about me being prepared for Orc attacks. He told me that he had been having some weird dreams and that because of those he found himself figuring out what he would do if zombies attacked his house. He said he realized that he didn’t have any guns so his best bet would be to hide and hope they weren’t found. I didn't want to nitpick, but I was like, Jeff, is this really your plan? Spend your whole life locked inside your house? Then I realized that without food or guns it would be hard to make the call.

Jeff and I spent some time discussing various strategies. We decided that hiding would probably be the best strategy under the circumstances. After we had discussed it for a while we both felt better now that we are better mentally prepared for when zombies attack.

Clearly I realize that zombies aren’t going to attack and that the likelihood of Orcs swarming the hills of Timp is slim. However, I do know that because I have thought through the various scenarios I can sleep well at nights knowing I am prepared. Judge me if you want. You are welcome to think I am crazy. But if you do, don’t come running to me when the zombies attack just because I will know what to do and I will be prepared.

Listening

I found that my life was being overwhelmed by the noise of everyday life. It seemed to me that it was difficult to get a quiet moment to think—I mean really think. So I decided to remedy this by going to the mountains by myself. I thought it would give me a great chance to really clear my head, and I certainly seem to have done that. Let me tell you a little bit about how this went down.

I left Monday about noon. I backpacked up Rock Canyon with the heaviest backpack I have ever carried. I was doing well for a little while because others had walked on the trail recently. However, at the Squaw Peak turnoff I was left to blaze my own trail through the two and a half feet of fresh powder. It was hard going. I was sinking in the snow about a foot and a half with many of my steps. In addition to the snow on the trail there was plenty of snow on the tree branches. The trees were bending over the trail so much that I had to use my walking stick to get the snow off the trees. Sometimes I thought I could make it under them and my backpack would hit the branches and all the snow would dump on me. It seemed like I had 50 pounds of snow dumped on me on this part of the trail.

It is easy to look back on a hike in the past and think that it wasn’t really as hard as I thought it was. However, I brought a camera and recorded myself talking to it like Survivorman. When I listen to the recordings I sound progressively more and more depressed as I go on. It was hard to figure out what was the right trail because it was all fresh powder and there were trees hanging over the trail. I have been on that trail so many times that I think I was able to guess right enough times to make so I didn’t have to backtrack. The last hour of my hike was in the fading light or just plain dark. I was so exhausted that I would hike for a minute and rest for a minute. It came to the point where at the end I would walk ten steps and rest for a minute. It was hard going, but I finally made it to the campground.



Once I was to where I wanted to be I set up the tent quickly and started my camp stove. I made some hot chocolate while I put on some more warm cloths. Then I cooked my frozen piece of chicken over the stove which took a very long time in the freezing weather. I finally consumed all of the chicken and I got my dry clothes on and got in my sleeping bags. Yes I did bring two of them plus a fleece liner. I didn’t want to freeze all night. I went to sleep for a couple of hours then woke up and couldn’t get to sleep until probably 5 or 6 am. I just laid in my bags and thought and thought and thought. I was great to have perfect silence and just have my head clear.

The next morning I woke up and took my time to get out of bed. It made it easy that the sun was shining and the air was much warmer than usual. I decided my project for the day was to build a fire. I needed wood first. There was at least five feet of snow so that made collecting snow much harder. I knew that at the campground where I was there was cut firewood somewhere for the campers. So I went to various mounds and dug to the bottom to see if I could find wood that I could burn. On the fifth mound I found a great treasure of cut firewood. I spent an hour digging it up and transporting it back to my camp. For those of you that think I am a wimp I want to see how long it takes you to dig through five feet of snow with the bottom three feet being frozen. It takes a little while.

I then dug a fire pit at my camp. This also took a little while because I wanted it right. After I had gathered a little kindling it was then time for me to start a fire. I used flint and steel to ignite newspaper, and then I set up a lean-to with crumpled up newspaper and small twigs. I could not get the twigs to stay on fire. I tried again and again. I used different twigs and tried to get anything to sustain a flame. The twigs would not burn. As a last resort I even used my camp stove to try to ignite some twigs for the fire. Each piece of wood I put on the stove took almost a minute until it was actually on fire. I had never dealt with anything that frozen before. After the sun had been behind the mountain for about an hour I finally decided that it was important that I got warm and quick. I went in the tent and got dry and got in my sleeping bags. This is when I got my best thinking done. I really had hours to think and read and cry. Once I felt that I had worked through everything and my head was clear I went to sleep.

I woke up early in the morning and packed up quickly. I flew down the trail. There were several spots where I was running even though my legs were so sore from the ascent. I got home and took a long shower and a nap. Since that day I think my life has been clearer. I feel like I have a greater view of where I need to be going. I am very excited about my future and my life. I think that it only took a couple of nights in the mountains for me to be reminded how to listen. There is great reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last.

Live Like You Were Dying

One week ago was my grandma’s funeral. I thought that I would be able to deal with it just fine. I had spent an enormous amount of time with her in the past couple months. She was ready to die and ready to be out of pain. I even had a chance to say goodbye which I am glad that I took. However, her funeral was hard on me. I guess I didn’t realize quite how much I would miss her. It is hard to realize how much you will miss someone when you have always had them. While sitting at the funeral I wrote a few notes of the things that I have learned from my grandma. I hope that these can help someone else live like they were dying. I am going to start with a quote by Henry David Thoreau:

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life

I feel that my grandma sucked the marrow out of life with all the energy that she had right until the end. I will now share some things that I have learned from her.

• Dance everyday – My grandma loved to dance. She met her husband dancing. She danced all the way up until she got polio in her late twenties. She wasn’t able to dance the rest of her life, I think that I need to help make up for the fact that she didn’t get to dance as much as she would have liked to.

• Experience nature every chance you get – She didn’t get out very much the last several years of her life. Ever since she had polio it was hard for her to go anywhere. When I spent time with her in the last few months she would always look out the window to see if there were any deer in her backyard. She always looked for the Quail that lived in her yard. Every time we walked past the window she would stop and appreciate nature. She didn’t get very many chances in the last few years of her life to go up in the mountains, but I do have that opportunity and I am certainly going to take advantage of it.

• Laugh – She told jokes right to the end. Even if she was in so much pain she still told jokes and laughed at her own jokes. She was so funny.

• Smile – She never really frowned. She was in so much pain all the time, but she always smiled. I think that that added so much to her life. I hope I can smile through it all also.

• Attend the temple often – She only had enough energy to go out a couple times a week. She would go to church and the temple. This really made me think-- if I could only go out once a week would I go the temple?

• Walk on your own two feet as long as you can – When I took care of her these last couple months there was something that I didn’t understand at first. She hardly had any energy. It took so much out of her for her to walk with her walker. Yet she still refused to get into the wheelchair to get from her bed into her chair on the other side of the house. Sometimes it took half an hour for her to go from one to the other (with a sit-down break in the middle). Why was she like this? I am still not completely sure, but I think that I have an idea. All she could do on her own anymore was to make the trek from her bed to her chair. She was determined to do all she could on her own and then get help with what she couldn’t do. Her spirit of independence was inspiring. I got the feeling that she could do anything that she put her mind to.

• Share what is important to you with those you love – Grandma always called her kids to tell them when there was something good on TV. She called to give and receive updates on the rest of the family. She always was there for anyone who was struggling. One year ago she sent me a hand written letter. This letter must have taken her several hours to write with her shaky hand. She enclosed one of her favorite talks and said how she was praying for me and was trying to help me with my life. That letter still means a great deal to me.

• Reach out to help everyone you can – Grandma never complained about her health. There was only one thing that she said that was even close to complaining. She often said that she wished she was stronger so that she could help more. She always wanted to help her kids and grandkids. She did so much good with helping us pay for our missions and college. She always was so generous with her money. She would help in any way that she could. I hope that I can put forth as much effort as she did to help those around her.

• Spend time with children – She loved her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren. She loved spending time with small children and loved when they would visit. I think this is something that can keep anyone focused on what is important. It is easier to keep in mind what is important when you are spending time with young children.

• Use adversity as stepping stones – Grandma had bad health her whole adult life. Instead of using it to inhibit her she would use it as an aid for you more rapid progress. She was always so humble, appreciative and loving. I really think she used her obstacles to help her achieve these wonderful qualities in great abundance.

• Love – This is the quality that she had in such great abundance. She had so much love for everyone. She showed love for everyone. I always felt her love every time I was in the room with her. I realize that this is something that is hard to gain for all of us. How do we deal with being hurt? How do we overcome selfishness? How do we forget about ourselves and just focus on others? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I believe that the answers lie in grandma’s life. I intend to find them. I want so bad to love like grandma did. I intend to work towards that end in honor of grandma and all others who have loved me.

I learned so much from grandma. She lived like she was dying her whole life. She did her best to live each moment to the fullest. I will miss her, but I will also make sure that she will live on in me. When I see a deer in the mountains I will watch its grace for an extra second for grandma. When I see a sunset I will try and linger a moment longer realizing how much grandma would have loved it. But most of all I will continue to try to live by the motto “Dance like nobody’s watching and love like you’ve never been hurt.” Thanks grandma for everything. I guess I will see you in a few years when it is my turn to move on to the next great adventure. Goodbye Grandma.

Full Moon Lunacy

Last night was a full moon, so clearly a full moon hike was in order. I had planned to go to the same meadow that I usually go to and have a fire and even cook some food over the fire. I knew that things would be different this time because of the snow, but I thought we could make it work.

I started at the trail head at about 7:30, so I thought we had plenty of time. My friend Heather came with me, she was all sorts of excited for a good adventure. We hiked relatively quickly since the trail was well packed down and it wasn’t too hard of a trail. Half way though, however, we went off the main trail and only had a couple of snowshoe tracks that we were walking in. The hike got considerably harder at this point because we didn’t have snowshoes and we would fall through the crust of the snow often. We kept going even though the trail just seemed to get more and more difficult as we continued on. After what seemed like an incredibly long hike we finally reached our destination—and that is when things got dicey.

When we got to the meadow we had to go off of the trail we had been following. Since there was more than three feet of snow every step was very difficult. I had planned to find firewood by either digging some up or tearing them off dead trees. This task seemed like it was a lot harder now that I was actually there. I asked Heather if she thought we shouldn’t have a fire and we should just go back down. She asked if I thought I could start one if our lives depended on it. I told her, “Of course I can.” Then she said that we came for a fire, we should have a fire.

I then spent 20 minutes breaking off tree branches and even digging some wood from under the snow. It was both difficult and dangerous. I was pulling dead trees on top of me, it wasn’t fun. Once I thought I might have enough for the evening I went about starting the fire. This part wasn’t very hard. I started the fire quickly and we had a hot fire to warm us up. After I made sure both of us were warm I started cooking some taquitos over the fire. Then I started cooking the piece of chicken that I brought.

The fire turned out difficult to maintain because it kept burning lower and lower but the big logs didn’t sink with it. So I had to readjust the fire several times and every time I did I got more snow in the fire which made it hard to keep it going. We did manage to keep the fire going the whole time we were there. It finally melted down to the ground and then we just didn’t get very much heat from it because we were three feet above it.

When we decided to go we kicked some snow on the fire (not that we were actually worried it would start anything else on fire). Then we continued down on the hike. I was difficult going down, but we had a great time. It was one of my best adventures in a long time for several reasons. I enjoyed the challenge to start a fire in a meadow covered in snow. I enjoyed the great conversation around the campfire. The mountain was incredibly beautiful last night. Also, and perhaps most importantly, I felt that Heather, my adventure buddy, fully appreciated each part of the adventure. She really appreciated the difficulty of starting a fire, and the beauty of the mountain. It was a great adventure and I hope to continue to have wonderful adventures in the future, after all, this is 2009.

2009: The Year is Mine

I was considering doing a review of the year 2008. I decided against it for a couple of reasons. First: I already did a picture review of the summer, and second: I really didn’t want to write what I really felt about the year. I guess we can suffice it to say that I learned a lot from 2008, but those lessons are still a little too hard to talk about. So I am going to write about 2009.

I am really excited for 2009. I have been looking forward to it for some time now. Ever since New Year’s Eve night I have felt that there has been a huge weight that has been lifted from me. I think that this is the time for me to make things happen in my life. I didn’t have a lot going for me in 2008, but this year is going to be different.

Friday night I went hot-tubbing with my sister and her husband. We went early evening, and it was the perfect time. It started snowing when we were there. It was so beautiful to see the fluffy snow fall down. It is a great experience to be in a hot-tub when it is snowing. There is something really great about snowflakes landing on your bare skin and still being warm. It is something that I hope to participate in several times this year. It was an amazing evening. I enjoyed having some good quality chill time with my sister and her husband. I don’t hang out with them often enough.

It was a long December, but there are many reasons to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last. I am looking forward to a great year. Thanks to all my great friends who have been with me through the hard times. You guys are great and I really do appreciate you so much. I think that we all have a lot of great things coming soon.

Rock Canyon: A Place of Solace

My readers have spoken and I must respond. It seems that most of the team wanted to hear about my adventure by myself up Rock Canyon at 1 am. The funny thing is that that is not my best adventure and kind of a hard story to tell. The story of my time in the canyon is very short. The real story is what led to me going up there. I think I will try and give some background so you can understand why I did what I did. I can’t fill in very many details of the events of that night, but I will try and give you enough so you can understand why my journey up Rock Canyon was necessary.

Last Wednesday started out as a fairly good day, but I have never been one to leave things as they are when they are okay. I decided that the time had come for me to gain some needed closure in my life. So I went about a covert operation to try and gain some closure from a situation that has left me in much pain for some time. (Yes, I plan on being this ambiguous the whole time). This operation was thwarted by people that I really believed cared about me. I realize that they didn’t really understand how much I needed some closure and they didn’t understand that stopping me in my caper would stop the needed closure. But the result was the same. As I was coming to grips with what happened and more importantly, why it happened, I was getting more and more frustrated.

I then went to say goodbye to my good friend who was going to be moving back to California. A friend that I wish I spent the time necessary to get closer to, but I didn’t. I then was frustrated enough that I thought a run would help, so I went running for a couple of miles. That gave me little help, so I went to talk to my good friend Mary. I spent a few minutes talking to her, and then I had to leave because she needed to talk to another one of our friends. Normally I would have just stayed and joined in, but this girl she was talking to was on my list of girls I’m not allowed to communicate with (my least favorite list in the world).

So I left Mary feeling that my life was really a mess. I feel that my life is only as good as my relationships are, and, well, it sure seemed like they were doing well. It was almost 1 am at this point and I had nowhere to go. I wasn’t going to go home; there was no way I was going to sleep anytime soon. So I decided I needed to go somewhere where I could focus on the one relationship that I felt was going well in my life: my relationship with God.

I drove up Rock Canyon and called Mary, told her where I was and I told her that I would send her a text when I was down so she knew I was okay. (I realize that Mary isn’t my mother, but when I hike alone I want someone to know where I am.) I got out my sleeping bag that was in my car and unzipped the bottom enough so I could stick my head through then I started hiking. I hiked fast to try and get some energy out, so I don’t know exactly how long I hiked, I just know it wasn’t very long. I went up about a mile and climbed up a large rock and lay down. It was quite comfortable because I was in my sleeping bag and there was a nice layer of snow, but I have never been in so much pain in my life.

I lay on the rock and thought and prayed, but mostly cried. I felt like I was so stuck in my life. I couldn’t seem to move forward, definitely couldn’t go back, and I hated where I was. So I lay there and prayed and cried and thought. I was in a lot of pain, but I still noticed that it was a beautiful night. There was a low cloud cover which caused the city lights to be reflected so it was quite bright where I was. The snow made everything pure and beautiful. It was a very still night.

After I had been laying there for a while (I really have no idea how long, it was all a blur). I think it was long enough that my tears were melting the snow underneath my head. I heard a sound that instantly triggered the word ‘animal’ in my head. As I was getting up to see what it was I realized that the sound didn’t belong. It was the sound of metal tags jingling against a collar. I found the source of the sound relatively easily. There were two dogs jogging up the trail. I sat there and watched them as one walked by and the other noticed me and started barking. After he barked for a while his master, who was still out of view called him back. When the guy came into view I tried to move a little so he would notice me. I even said something, but his dog was barking too loud that he didn’t notice. When he got close to me he turned on his light to try and find out what his dog was barking at, so I waved and said, “He’s barking at me.”

We talked for a couple of minutes. He said he hikes up Rock Canyon every night. He usually goes to the campground, but he had a late start tonight so he probably wouldn’t go that far. He made sure to ask if I was staying the night—I must have looked very odd laying on a rock in my sleeping bag. Then he continued on. I went back to thinking and crying and praying.

I eventually didn’t have any tears left and so was forced to return home. I got home, wrote down some of my thoughts (which are published on my private blog).

That was a really depressing story wasn’t it. Sorry blog fans. I usually write a better story than that. I guess I wanted to give you the story you asked for, and there it is. Don’t worry about me. The next day I talked with Jeff and he made everything all better (he always does). I have my ups and downs like everyone else; I am just trying to enjoy the ride.

It's been a long December

I think that it is time for my readers (all three of you) to vote for which story I tell. Here are some adventures from the last couple of weeks. Just leave a comment to vote for which one you want to hear more about and I will write about that one. (Must be 18 or older to participate, no cash value, only one vote per person (except Jeff, he has two votes), all votes must be received by Tuesday December 23 at 11:11 PM)

Adventures in the last couple of weeks:

• Sweet Snowfest adventure up Rock Canyon. This included but isn’t limited to: Somersaulting race, snow angels, sliding down mountain trails. Hot chocolate and Hot-tubbing party. Story of Diane’s comment.

• Brady’s soup party then night hike. Beautiful weather just before the storm. Great fire and fun and friends.

• Concerts: BYU choirs with Maria, we sang Halleluiah Chorus. Kurt Bestor with family, left halfway through and had hot chocolate with my friends and read Christmas Stories. Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert with Megan, what a great concert and good times with a great friend.

• Great chat with Jeff. He can still solve all my problems in one evening. What a great guy with a great wife.

• Evening with Mary and Natalie. We looked at lights and then we hiked up to the top of a cliff and I let off some steam by screaming to the world—very therapeutic.

• Didn’t break my neck – just thought that I would throw that out there.

• Hiked up Rock Canyon by myself at 1 am and laid on the ground in the snow and pondered life for hours.

• Watched almost every sunset, watched the moon every night that it was out before 2 am, looked at Venus and Jupiter almost every night and enjoyed the stars every night that they were out.

• Loved, laughed, cried, hurt and still spent every day with people that were important to me.